This is to say thanks again for our long fun lunch recently.
It's also to say a few simple words about something you said that day that has stuck in my mind and made me want to share just a couple thoughts.
First off, I respect the reality of everything you've said to me, while I'm thinking about our conversation around thc & cbd and their uses. You said you've had a pretty serious experience of and with depression as a function of so much or so many of your past experiences and that the right mix, which you've figured out how to gain and give yourself, has done wonderfully well. I really get all that and if I didn't say it then, I think you're very much to be congratulated for the state you've achieved.
When you reminded me of some of your tough experiences, I very much got that too and I was made to recall the idea that I think there's a part of our happy and healthy today that is not bound in the same way to prescriptions for fix other than in our thinking processes.
It's that thinking process part of our self-care that I'm out to point toward. One of the most basic ideas of what I tend to call metaphysics, and which others define and describe in other terms, is that we are each personally and completely in charge of our individual experience of reality in the current moment now.
As an example, you know I currently have essentially no relationship at all with my own son. I could be completely devastated by that fact, or I could laugh about it, merely hoping that perhaps before I die something about that will change. The meaningful point being that how I hold that matter is up to me. I can say that I was destroyed emotionally and set forth a characterization of understanding that could define my entire life around that experience, which I may or may not choose to refer to and hold as a loss.
Going back to a generalized sense of the thought, we are each in charge of our individual experiences and how I choose to hold and understand my own experience and reality remains up to me, no matter what others may say or do. I know myself very ostracized among many people and in many places I've been. But even that is a kind of characterization that only has the reality I give it.
Knowing who I am, where I am ostracized I know the loss of opportunity to be present for others as a sad and unfortunate loss, maybe for myself, but also for those others. I generally keep myself reminded that the sadness of that loss is motivated by some kind of fear or confusion on the part of those others, or both. It may be true for me that all I can do about that is to stay open, and welcoming as best I can. The important part is that I don't currently make myself wrong for whatever the past judgments of others may have been.
These things are possible because I can't change the past or the choices of other people, though I can be in charge of how I hold the reality of what's so, and all of what's thrown at me or left to me, even if accomplished by an imposed isolation. In fact, my main point is that I am not only able to be in charge of how I hold the reality of my experience, but all the matter is completely up to me, and if I allow myself to be lost in depression I will be.
Your life has been hallmarked by enthusiastic and joyful accomplishment by means of which you made yourself a versatile and expert paragon of friendliness and helpfulness. Yeah, that required of you all that it may have and in the midst you made whatever you want to call mistakes along the way, that in the moment may have been very hard and nonetheless today we know you survived all the worsts. In fact I think your gifts show up as wonderfully natural.
I see it that today you have a treasure of benefit to look out upon. All your children are successes in their own rights and ways, moving along however they are in their individual paths and with the friends, occupations, partners and accomplishments they are building for themselves. You are in contact with them all, and you're engaged with them all. You have that house you've lived in so long that means all it does and has, that has been a grounding stone for so many, and as you know best, not just for your family but also the variety of friends like me that you have used it over years to support in large and small ways.
I don't doubt the pain you have known along the way though what you have to show for it all is immense and beautiful. I also don't doubt the toll it all has taken on you personally and physically and yet the point I want to make is that what impact the past holds for you today is completely up to you.
How you interpret your experience is completely up to you. How you see it all is completely up to you. How you speak about it all with others in not only completely up to you, but also creating and defining of all the reality around you every day in the moment of your speaking.
What you say today to others, and what you think and hold as real is what defines what's so right now. You define your reality by your speaking. You define the reality of your past by how you hold it and how you speak of it. The hard part, and the part that may make the most sense within this barrage of words is that the past, which is gone, can have a damaging impact in the present as a function of how you hold it.
For example, you could think that the pains of the past are still harming you and I write to press you away from that thought. The pains of the past are a major part of what has made you great. And whether you believe that or not, they are the past. They are gone. They are whatever they were, and as hard as they were, but they need not be those pains any longer. You have all the right and reason in the world to be in constant celebration for the gifts you have shared and been and the miracles all that has produced. Without suggesting that you are not doing that, I simply want to remind you to hold the most of yourself and not need to think that you are still sitting with the pain that for example the IRS caused for you when it did.
What remains is a beautiful result, which I see the most visible in Nancy's deep current commitment to you and her relationship with you.
You seemed just a little sheepish when telling me about the pleasure of your travels, though you have earned every bit of the beauty and pleasure of those travels. I think you know these things, but don't hold back and don't bother to carry the weight of the past. That past doesn't need to be a weight you continue to carry and bear. The past is gone. It formed your experience when it did and it doesn't need to be more now than the history of challenges that you stood upon to be larger than. You are that victor. The past, and particularly its pain, is like small change in your pocket. For me today, owning a car might be a major annoyance and difficulty. For you today car ownership is a natural common and continuing flow of functionality, participation, and normalcy.
You live a very natural and gifted flow. I say never let any thought about past pains impair one further moment of your life. You have worked hard and far too hard and giving and good and well to let any low lying thought from the past hold back any part of your pleasure now.